I am sure you have no doubt that I actually am a farmer’s wife and mummy but, just in case you didn’t believe me, I have 7 photos to show you which will definitely prove it.
My car is not pretty. It’s not nice to look at but, when I had Boo, I had a Ford KA and, not only did the pram not fit in the boot but the car seat (which had to go in the front because it was three door) did not fit securely because the seat belt was too short.
Cue me going for practicality rather than looks and, despite someone once classing it as a van, it really is or rather was, child friendly.
So here are my six reasons I know I am a farmer’s wife and mummy-just because of the state of my car.
1. My boot has enough straw in it to line an average size stable:
Whenever I pick animals up-rabbits, chickens, even the two ducks I had waddling free around my boot, I put a cage with straw in the back. The contents of which inevitably spill out into the car. The red thing on the photo is a fly swat. Enough said.
2. I have a dent in the back of the car:
Which happened when I backed into this:
It is a spike which attaches to a machine to pick bales of hay and straw up. It was attached to the machine when the incident occurred and I saw it and thought to myself, I’m going to back into that. Well at least I was prepared for the piercing noise.
3. My passenger seat looks like this:
It usually also has a dummy on it, a toy, a snack and anything else little Miss might demand on a car journey, however short.
4. My back seat (ashamedly) looks like this:
Toys, food and drinks cartons, ground in food, discarded Kinder Egg toys, books. I dread to think what else is under there.
5. I buy things from the shop like this dog food that will remain there until the dog food in the house runs out.
I like to think of it as extra storage. Maybe seeing your vehicle as an extension of your larder, toy cupboard or book shelf will catch on.
6. The foot well of your back seat looks like this:
Again ashamedly. No I don’t know how long those crisps have been there and yes I do know I am practically putting a welcome sign and easy access ramp to my car for the farm mice.
I would however like to point out the pink plastic thing is the lid of a tub which I introduced into the car as a way of organising.
Obviously it didn’t work.
Now in little under three months, there will be a baby (hopefully) who will be sharing this
rubbish tip car.
I think my mum actually fears for Boo’s hygienic safety in there so I admit, the prospect of allowing an innocent, shiny new baby into the mess is daunting.
This is therefore a way of shaming myself to do something about it.
I am promising you here and now that I am going to book the car in to be valeted this week.
I’ve just got to clean it out first. Wearing rubber gloves and a face mask.
How long do you think I can keep up a blanket ban on eating in the car?