A Year Without My Best Friend

It’s been a year since I split up with my best friend.

I say split up because that is what it feels like.

It was over a misunderstanding. She misunderstood how hard I was finding things and told me something that I should have been happy about.

I was happy for her but I felt she could have been more sensitive to my feelings and told me when I was at home. Not sat at my desk at work.

The ins and outs don’t matter any more. The year does.

So much has happened.

I got pregnant and couldn’t ring her to tell her.

I had a caesarean and couldn’t ask my best friend what I should expect.

She is Boo’s godmother but has missed so many milestones.

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I see things on Facebook all the time about friendships and growing old together but this will never happen for me, for us.

We knew each other for almost 20 years but those years are nothing to the one that has just passed.

Every time I think of her and what happened and what has happened since, my eyes fill with tears.

I honestly thought she would contact me eventually, but she hasn’t.

I can’t contact her because I can’t cope if the outcome is worse. Worse than not speaking to your best friend for a year.

I said to my mum, I think I will be sad about this forever. She agreed.

My mum did however wonder whether she could be as upset about it as I am.

I think the year of silence says it all really.

It’s so easy for people to say it’s her loss and while the sensible part of me agrees, the sad part makes me feel it is my loss.

My year, my first year. Without my best friend.

20 Comments

  1. Aw my dear. I feel for you. Since I’ve had my kids this has happened to me twice. Maybe I’ve been too sensitive which I think in one of the situations is why there is radio silence. I don’t know what to suggest. I tried to contact one of my ‘friends’ and it didn’t work out. But I can now move on knowing that actually they are not interested rather than wondering.

    Perhaps write her a wee card saying I miss you and see if she responds. If you don’t try and she is feeling the same then you might never speak again and that would be worse than trying!

  2. It’s horrible when friendships break down so suddenly. I’m sorry to hear it’s still painful a year on. You are a good woman, Mother and friend though so please don’t doubt yourself on any of those counts x

  3. Alison

    She probably feels exactly the same and misses you just as much. You are both hurt and scared of more pain. Is there someone who could mediate?

  4. This is not nice to read. Have you ever thought of writing her a letter to explain everything? I once had a similar situation with a friend, it would keep me up worrying about it. I wrote her a letter in the end explaining how I felt, it took a little while but since we both cleared what was on our minds we have a much better relationship xx

  5. That is so sad Emma, I remember you writing about this last year and such a shame that she hasn’t reached out to you. I suppose people change and maybe sometimes you have to just let them go and try to move on but it is difficult xx #sharewithme

  6. Karen

    ๐Ÿ™ … It is hard losing someone who you have shared most of your life with, but I agree with what Becky Cowley wrote. Write your best friend letter, they could be sat there thinking similair thoughts to you.

    Don’t live your life of ‘what ifs’ … life is too short….

    Make the first move, then at least you will know in your own mind that you have done all you can. Maybe it will mean that you have to move on or maybe it will be the starting of rebuilding your friendship.

    Lots of love xxxx

    • farmerswifeandmummy

      thank you. I know. I will have a think about it ๐Ÿ™ lots of love to you too xx

  7. I’m so sorry to read this. I’ve had friendships break down recently & it’s really not nice. You’re an amazing person and it’s sad she can’t see that. Xx

  8. The fact that you know how how long it’s been and still have the emotions raw enough to write this post shows how much this still hurts. I’ve lost friends, thankfully not my best friend, but it isn’t nice. I hope one day you find comfort in the fact there are still others around you who love you. Thanks for sharing in such an honest post xx

  9. Oh wow, I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat because I honestly could have written this word for word. I came across this and it felt like someone had got inside my head and written down everything I am feeling. I haven’t spoken to my best friend since last February. She wasn’t there at all when I needed her to be and so I just stopped talking to her. She has never contacted me to find out why so I guess she wasn’t really bothered. I can’t contact her for exactly the reasons you said. It hurt enough at the time. I don’t want to hurt again. I have no advice. Just wanted to say you’re not alone with this one. Hugs. I know how much it hurts โ™ก

  10. Aw that was a such a sad post. Obviously the two of you were very hurt by the situation. If you were such best friends of course she misses you too. It is difficult to mend broken bridges, but sometimes it is worth it. xxx

  11. The Mother says – I have real tears in my eyes reading this as it’s so hard when a friendship ends. Maybe she might read this…….. Hugs to you xx #sharewithme

  12. You’re not alone at all in these feelings. I gave gone about a year now without my best friend, without any real friends actually, the story is long and it doesn’t really matter. But I did contact her once to say is had a miscarriage and had to go to hospital for them to take a look – her response was something along the lines of ‘ you’ve had one before , you should be used to it’ She hangs around with my abusive ex now and who knows what has been said. I know I’ll never be friends with her and she’s never made any attempt to contact me. Not that I would want to be friends again after it all. But I am sad. I do miss her. ๐Ÿ™ Ray xx

  13. Ami W

    I’ll always be your friend โค๏ธ Not just because I’m your cousin but because I love you no matter what happens. I am so proud to say that you are my friend, my cousin and a wonderful mum to two amazingly, beautiful children xxxx when I was younger I would copy you, I even supported Liverpool because you did, but not anymore, ps don’t tell uncle Micheal hehe xxxx

  14. Oh hunny it’s so hard to grown apart or even split up with best friends. What a lovely post. If you ever think you both can get past it sometimes it just takes one little step towards each other to rekindle and make up for lost time before it’s too late. Biggest hugs darling. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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