The realities of new born babies

Ah those early days with a new born. The joy, the happiness, that lovely milky smell. Don’t forget the sleeplessness, the fear and the neurotic tenancies though.

If you are reading this and you are pregnant with your first child, look away now. Actually, forget that. You probably won’t believe me anyway.

This is my definitive guide to what it’s like to be mother of a new born.

1.You try to be organised. People buy such lovely things for new babies and you really do intend to send thank you cards emblazoned with your new bundle of joy. You get the cards printed and they sit in your house for weeks months. In reality, it takes so long to write them, you seriously consider just including them in this year’s Christmas cards. Despite your child having a January birth date.
2.You forget your child’s date of birth and/or how old they are on a regular basis. Booking in at my doctors involves pressing the day they were born to get on the list for an appointment. Oh I have stood at that screen for a good ten minutes trying to remember that date which should be etched on my memory in blood.
3.You will leave the house at least once with something stuck to you that shouldn’t be there…a wipe, a shop receipt, a nappy…Or arrive at the weigh-in-clinic in odd shoes.

4.Leaking nappies will only happen when your baby is wearing white AND just before you are about to leave the house.

5.You cut all meals into bite-sized pieces-for yourself. You’ve nailed the eating with one hand like a pro.

6.If you have more than one child in nappies, you can guarantee they will synchronise their toilet habits. Yes. Tandem poos are character building. Deal with it. You do have the greatest choice to make though. Who needs changing first?

7.You seriously wonder how long you will get away with wearing maternity clothes. That’s right. I’m currently on 11 weeks of this and still going strong.

8.Travelling light is a thing of the past. Yes I’m only going to the corner shop but the thermometer is totally necessary. What if a fever should strike in the 30 seconds we are in there?

9.You can’t just nip to the corner shop any more. Any kind of leaving the house involves a military operation. In fact, I intend to add planning to my CV. I have a list of essentials for every trip so that nothing gets forgotten.

10.Should anyone mention they are tired in your general vicinity, you will feel like stabbing them in their ‘eight hours straight through’ eye. No one can compete with the carer of a new born me.

Believe me. I could go on. Despite being elated at my lovely Beb. I did forget how hard newborns are. Add this to also having Boo and it is basically, a recipe for many hormone addled mini-rants.
What would you add?