On Dealing with Errant Husbands With Eggs

We have a funny relationship, Hubster and I. We do row sometimes and, if we do, I like to take my revenge. I know, I know but it is only in small ways and it makes me feel better. Especially because I am obviously, always right.

Recently he asked me how I choose which eggs to give him when I made his breakfast and it made me laugh to admit it. I had only ever thought about this is the depths of my mind and, anyone who really knows me knows that this is a strange yet wonderful place.

Eggs have been the route of rows in the past. Remember egg-gate?

We have ducks and hens now so an abundance of both types of egg. Hubster loves duck eggs the most so it is here where he can tell what kind of mood I am in with him and, now that I have fully admitted to it, at least he knows in the morning whether we are fully friends or not without even speaking.

Here is a guide to farmer’s wife rage-through eggs.

Option 1. Two duck eggs. This means all is well. He has agreed to more goats/hens/puppies (delete where applicable). He has not annoyed me in any way and all is good in the world or at least the farmhouse.

Option 2. One duck egg, 1 hen egg. This means I am slightly annoyed. It can also mean that I am testing him-can he tell the difference. More often than not though it is not a test. It is an indicator that we may have had a row in the not too distant past and I am still angry or he hasn’t apologised.

Option 3. Two hen eggs. This is full on rage. I am so angry at him. He has done something very bad.

Option 4. Two very well done hen eggs. So well done that he can’t dip his toast in. This is almost at the top of the farmer’s wife rage-o-metre. Caution needs to be exercised here. A cracked egg is on the verge of being squashed on his head.

Option 5. The top end of the scale. NO EGGS. None. Not even a tiny silkie egg. This may have only happened twice in the whole time I have been making his breakfasts. It is bad. If I refuse to even make his breakfast, the only way back from this is divorce a new goat.

How do you like your eggs in the morning?