When is it acceptable to ask a Woman when she’s due?

grumpy title

Dear Humankind,

I would just like to remind you that asking a woman when her baby is due, if she’s expecting, if she’s having another, would she like a seat, she’s got her hands full or any other phrase about pregnancy WITHOUT BEING 100% sure she is pregnant is unacceptable.

Just this week, a man was visiting Hubster for some business thing. I had to go in to get his car keys as the baby seat was in his car, G was asleep and I had to pick Boo up from school.

Later, Hubster told me, laughing, that the man had asked if we were having another baby.

Hubster obviously didn’t think this one through. As he laughed, I burst into tears.

Well who wouldn’t? Having been taking part in both dry-January and a gruelling-hardly-eaten-anything for eight days, what would usually have me outraged or laughing myself, had me in tears.

I would never, ever dream about asking someone the questions above but, it seems I am not the only one to suffer at the hands of an off the cuff remark.

When I lost one of the babies, my stomach was really swollen and someone asked me when it was due. When I told her it had died, she quickly shut up. At least I’ve probably stopped her asking anyone else.

This is the thing. Fertility treatment can make you bloat. Miscarriage can make your tummy pop out a bit. Who knows what people are quietly going through when someone mindlessly asks.

Here are a few ways, if you really, really have to know, to ask a woman without offending her:

How man children have you got?

Have you got children? Both of these questions would probably prompt her to tell you if she is indeed growing another.

If in doubt, don’t even think about asking. If anything else, it is actually nobody else’s business.

Oh and in answer to the title of this post, never.


  1. Oh hon thats horrible! Hugs! I think I would sob if someone asked me that, it’s just rude. I remember a friend being asked when she was due when pushing around her 2 mth old in a pram. Like really? It isn’t actually possible for her to be pregnant and showing when she has a baby that young! Great way to make someone feel shit eh? And like you say you never know what someone is going through. It’s the same reason I will never again ask if a childless couple plan on having kids as I once asked and it was clear they desperately wanted to and couldn’t. I felt terrible and won’t ask again unless someone wants to talk about it! Xx

    1. I know. I once overheard a woman being asked in Mothercare!! They should know better. I think she walked out and I didn’t blame her. I never ask, you just never know. I am ok now. I couldn’t decide whether to do an exercise DVD or eat 10 cakes haha xx

  2. I completely see your point regarding those sorts of questions. As you already know guys can often get it wrong and can also lack any tact! All I’d disagree with you on is asking a woman if she’d like your seat. Doing this doesn’t automatically assume a guy thinks the woman is pregnant. Could just be chivalry!

  3. Hmm, I’m not so sure about this one. I completely understand your hurt at both the times someone has presumed you’re pregnant when you weren’t, but as someone who is nearly 34 weeks pregnant I really don’t mind people asking as it’s pretty obvious. I wouldn’t say the answer is ‘never’, but people should err on the side of caution if unsure, and actually I think if they’re unsure they shouldn’t ask any questions at all! Asking someone on fertility treatment if they have children is surely as hurtful as asking if they’re pregnant. Also, I know when I was pregnant first time and commuting on trains and buses I was very grateful for people giving up their seats when they saw my bump (and was mightily cheesed off when I was on the Tube and a man sat in the priority seat ignored me despite me talking loudly to my friend about my pregnancy!).

  4. I hated all these type of questions when I was expecting and would be really offended if someone asked me now (Christmas wasn’t kind to my waistline). But what annoyed me most was that when I was expecting Little 3 as we had 2 girls already, people constantly asked me things like. what are you going to do if it’s another girl?- er keep her. Are you going to keep going until you get a boy?- nope this is it. bet you want a boy this time- actually I’m honestly not bothered as long as it is healthy, another girl would be cheaper, we’ve got loads of girl stuff. Then after he was born all the comments that followed along the same lines. as you say if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say it at all! #maternitymondays

  5. Oh no! People can be so insensitive. I have never asked anyone ‘when they are due’ and I never will as I wouldn’t like someone to ask me if I wasn’t pregnant! I think too many people speak before they think. Brush it off, his opinion counts for nothing 🙂


  6. Aww, don’t let it get you down..some people just don’t think before they speak. I would never ask anyone this unless I knew for a fact they were pregnant.xx #maternitymondays

  7. Pingback: buy cocaine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *