I love Kirstie Allsopp. I enjoy watching Location Location Location but more so her Homemade Home but her recent comments on fertility made me think.
If I’d had a child with the person I was with when I was 25, how different would my life be?
Well, said child would now be nine. I would be out of the tantrum stages and probably be getting more sleep-bliss.
However I would also probably be a single mother. I would not be living on a farm. I would not have met the love of my life. In fact, my life would have been very different.
You see, despite 25 being an adult on paper, in reality, I was not an adult at 25.
The guy I was going out with at 25 was a serial cheater whose family were overbearing. I was upset at the time when we split up but in hindsight, would I have been happy having a baby with such a man? No.
I met Hubster when I was 26-still not behaving completely adult.
We bought a house two years later, had Boo, got married, moved to the farm.
I’d had polycystic ovaries when I was younger so conceiving naturally was uncertain whether I had tried for babies at 22, 32 or 42. Thank goodness, we were ok but for me, having a baby in my 20s would not have enriched my life.
I don’t know whether it is maturity or life experience, or both but in my twenties, apart from Hubster at the end of that period of my life, none of the boys I dated were father material.
I would have also missed out on so much fun stuff if I had had a baby earlier. Likewise if Hubster and I had tried for babies as soon as we met, we would have missed out on a whole chunk of fun and getting to know you which happens in the first few years of a relationship.
Any parent of any age will tell you how much having children puts a strain on a relationship so if that relationship is not solid to begin with, having children would only rock that further.
Women put enough pressure on themselves as it is, without another woman (who had her first child in her mid-thirties) adding even more pressure.
Once a woman hits 30, you can hear well-meaning relatives saying tick-tock behind her back because of the impending bareness of childlessness if you don’t hurry up and settle down in the next five minutes.
While it may be ‘primetime’ to have children in your twenties, not every woman meets the right person to have children with at that time.
I personally am glad I waited. It must be awful looking after a baby and having to watch your friends going buying new outfits while you trawl the shops for nappies and wipes.
As for putting off university, isn’t that a great place to meet a future husband or wife?
There are pros ad cons of having children early and late. Either way, they are a gift.
I so agree with you on this (spookily, I’m also an Emma, and a farmer’s wife with a toddler!).
Same here – my uni long term relationship was great, but it wouldn’t have lasted past uni, my other relationships until meeting my now husband didn’t last part 3 months – one I felt stronger than the him, but none would have worked long term especially not having children.
I also didn’t think I wanted children until I turned 31/32. It’s totally changed our relationship, even though we’d been happily married for 7 years. It is hard, and I think that I wouldn’t have been able to give N the opportunities I can, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to work, I definitely wouldn’t have got back round to studying later. My life would have been a lot less well rounded and less experienced than it is, and that would have reflected on N’s upbringing.
I think it all depends on the person and situation
That is spooky. I looked at your blog and they were even born in the same month!!
Wonderful post and so true. When I was 25 I was adamant I would never ever have a child, I am obviously a very different person now and had my boy at the right time for me as a woman.
#sharewithme
I think this is a very tricky one… so many factors to consider. The only thing I do know is life doesn’t always go to plan, so I guess you should do what’s right for you at that time. #sharewithme
Emma I love your posts, You are so sweet and genuine. And I can say that I have met you now! lol Lovely post though and such a tribute to your love of your life hubby now. Everything happens for a reason I truly believe that. And I am so glad you found your forever person and have a wonderful life together. YOu can tell in the photos and in person you are so very happy with your life. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
This is a lovely post. I agree with you really, I think having children is absolutely fabulous – but I don’t think there really ever can be a ‘right’ time, just a ‘better’ time, if you see what I mean. I had my first when I was 21, and it was entirely the ‘wrong’ time, and definitely not the right man! Then later I got married to my wonderful hubby and we had two babies at the ‘right’ time. But it all works out and we’re fine. I just think it is not a good thing to tell women when they should or shouldn’t have kids – I think the papers put that spin on what Kirstie said. xxxx
I don’t think you can really predict these things or plan them in the way that Kirsty seems to suggest. I haven’t read her article by the way but I do believe that life can’t be pigeon holed so easily. I married my husband at 24, after my degree (I only met him after my degree!) and we had our first child when I was 26. I then went on to do a PGCE at 29 and only got a career when she was 4 and I was pregnant with my 2nd. I don’t regret a thing. I am proof that you can do both at once if you want to!
x x
If I’d had a child in my mid-late 20s that child’s father would have been an alcoholic. I didn’t even want a child in my life back then. I’m not entirely sure what Kirstie Allsop said but I’m guessing it was a little bit prescriptive and negative on having a child in the later years of female fertility. The point is, fertility exists up to a certain age for a reason and why rule out a child later in that window? I know I feel like my joints are a bit creakier, I sometimes have trouble getting up off the floor when I’ve been playing with the boys, but who cares – I carried them with perfectly straightforward pregnancies and births and I know that I have lived a life and had some amazing experiences and made my mistakes and I’m much more secure in myself and who I am now. (I’m 42 and the boys are 4 and three quarters and 22 months). X #sharewithme
I couldn’t agree more. It was the same for me. It wasn’t about putting off kids to have a career first, I just hadn’t met anyone worthy of being a dad. I’m sure if I’d met my husband when I was 18, I’d have had kids much younger, but I don’t think a ticking biological clock is a good enough excuse to procreate with just anyone! #binkylinky
I think it’s down to the individual to be honest. I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong age to have children (actually – a child shouldn’t have a child – but you know what I mean!) I was 25 when my twins were born. I was and still am married to their father and we’d been together 8 years. I can see why some women leave it till later life so they can have a career first and be more financially stable, but then I can see why younger people want children too. Thanks for linking up to the #binkylinky
I agree. I had my Teen in my twenties, 24 to be exact although I turned 25 a month later! I was definitely too young and immature but of course I don’t regret it as I have my son who I worship! I went on to have another three children and was a stay at home mum and very happy but I do wish Id carved out a career first xx