I love Kirstie Allsopp. I enjoy watching Location Location Location but more so her Homemade Home but her recent comments on fertility made me think.
If I’d had a child with the person I was with when I was 25, how different would my life be?
Well, said child would now be nine. I would be out of the tantrum stages and probably be getting more sleep-bliss.
However I would also probably be a single mother. I would not be living on a farm. I would not have met the love of my life. In fact, my life would have been very different.
You see, despite 25 being an adult on paper, in reality, I was not an adult at 25.
The guy I was going out with at 25 was a serial cheater whose family were overbearing. I was upset at the time when we split up but in hindsight, would I have been happy having a baby with such a man? No.
I met Hubster when I was 26-still not behaving completely adult.
We bought a house two years later, had Boo, got married, moved to the farm.
I’d had polycystic ovaries when I was younger so conceiving naturally was uncertain whether I had tried for babies at 22, 32 or 42. Thank goodness, we were ok but for me, having a baby in my 20s would not have enriched my life.
I don’t know whether it is maturity or life experience, or both but in my twenties, apart from Hubster at the end of that period of my life, none of the boys I dated were father material.
I would have also missed out on so much fun stuff if I had had a baby earlier. Likewise if Hubster and I had tried for babies as soon as we met, we would have missed out on a whole chunk of fun and getting to know you which happens in the first few years of a relationship.
Any parent of any age will tell you how much having children puts a strain on a relationship so if that relationship is not solid to begin with, having children would only rock that further.
Women put enough pressure on themselves as it is, without another woman (who had her first child in her mid-thirties) adding even more pressure.
Once a woman hits 30, you can hear well-meaning relatives saying tick-tock behind her back because of the impending bareness of childlessness if you don’t hurry up and settle down in the next five minutes.
While it may be ‘primetime’ to have children in your twenties, not every woman meets the right person to have children with at that time.
I personally am glad I waited. It must be awful looking after a baby and having to watch your friends going buying new outfits while you trawl the shops for nappies and wipes.
As for putting off university, isn’t that a great place to meet a future husband or wife?
There are pros ad cons of having children early and late. Either way, they are a gift.