I love our life. We are lucky in so many ways and I am so grateful that my children get to live an outdoors life and have so much space to explore every day.
For the sake of other farmer’s wives though I felt I had to write this post.
This time of year is hard. Long days (and nights) mean only one thing here-I am solo with the children and it can be hard.
Having young children, including one who needs constant monitoring means when the farmer is working late, I am tied to the places in the farmhouse where the baby monitor reaches.
With no one to talk to, my thoughts can get pretty full on and loneliness does visit quite a bit.
Added to this, when you look at social media and see the absolute perfection of other families where the fathers are taking their offspring on solo day trips and to extra curricular activities, the weight of this lies heavily on me.
It is not as bad as last year. Last year, the baby was only a couple of months old and the sleeplessness added to the battle of getting through each day with the older two was the hardest time of my life.
Just a little more sleep this year and three children who are that bit older will make this year a little easier but it is still hard at times.
The other part of my blue thoughts is that friends on Facebook are either jetting off to sunnier climes or planning their trips.
Anyone self-employed knows the holiday conundrum but if that self employment involves livestock and a security issues should you leave the premies, going anywhere for longer than a few hours is an impossibility.
I used to love going on holiday. Even the farmer loved going on holiday back when there were other people helping to run the farm.
Now it is just us, holidays are just a distant dream.
I do worry that the children may miss out but I hope the farm will make up for that.
Of course there is the option that I take the children away on my own but, so far, I cannot bring myself to do that.
I know there are aspects of the farm which more than compensate for the lack of holiday and people remark on this when they visit.
The freedom, the open space, the peace. Sometimes, just sometimes though, nothing can compare to the thrill of planning for a holiday and the feeling of getting on that plane.
Summer is the hardest time of year for me and I just wanted to write this so that if any other farmer’s wives are sat there, crying into their cuppas in an evening with the children asleep upstairs, cooking dinner at 10pm and no one to talk to, you are not alone.
Oh darling, this must be so tough. You’re doing an amazing job and don’t worry about the kids, they have such rich lives with you and the farm and the experiences they have, they won’t miss the holidays. I hate that you are lonely though and wish that I was closer so I could pop over for a cuppa some nights and keep you company. I reckon we should start saving and have a girls and kids only holiday next summer xxx
Oh Emma, I wish I was closer. I’d be happy to sit and drink coffee with you, I know how difficult loneliness is. Always there if you want to chat though, drop me a message on social media anytime.
Nat.x
Hi there,
Im that mother too. At times. It is a wonderful life but really difficult with young children. I bet you’re very close to your children. I know I am with mine but that doesn’t stop me from hiding in the hot press when they get too loud and the farmer has no intention of coming in. None. And thats the business but it is a tough business! Find little ways no matter how small to mind yourself! I blog at girlinwellies.com – my youngest is four now but I remember when it was really full on and it was difficult (not that I see it getting easier, sorry ;))))) Mind yourself and keep the chin up! Anne
Thank you so much. I’ve had a really bad day today and this has made me feel better. I am
Going reading your blog now 🙂
My children are now 30 and 25 but can really relate to how you feel. It does get easier but them they leave home! I have a job away from the farm for a few days a month which keeps me sane. Try to keep friends that can relate to farming and meet up. It is hard but you have to keep going till drilling over. My son was born in June and I remember taking him to his dad on the tractor in September and saying I have had enough you look after him! I look back now and wonder how I managed but you will.
I know this post is years old, but you have written my current feelings. I am so overwhelmed with loneliness. I’m so scared of growing old with a man who just isn’t available. I love him so much but I really wish I had thought long and hard about my choice in partner. I was so naive. 15 years together and 2 kids in and I can’t help feel like I may aswell be single. I look on enviously at your ‘typical’ family and would kill for 6pm finished, family teas together and weekends away. The only time off we get together as a family is when it’s raining (not ideal) and it’s always very last minute so very hard to make plans. I’ve attended so many events on my own, weddings, parties, dinners, days out – the list could go on. Non of my friends or family (I don’t come from a farming family) fully understand, they try, but they don’t. I work part time which helps but since lockdown that has been from home. I try my best to meet up with people as much as I can and it does help but the nights are the hardest. I’m worried that when the kids are grown and gone I’ll be sat alone, waiting for a man to finish work, wondering if my best years were wasted on someone who chose work over family. I know forming isn’t ‘just’ a job, but there is balance that should be made.
I know I’m having a really bad day/month. I know that I love so many things about farming and I don’t want to seem Ungrateful, but I just didn’t anticipate that this crippling loneliness would be all consuming at times.
Thank you for your post. Thanks for sharing and making me feel less alone.
Here’s to another day 🙂
Oh you poor thing. I might have written it years ago but I am solo parenting again 😉 I am sure when the children get older it will be easier. I try and use it as a treat now. Tonight we had pizza for tea watching TV as a treat. We wouldn’t do that if the farmer was here. Chin up. We all have bad days xx
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